you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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