Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
