why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
