I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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