So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
