Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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