she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
