I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there was a trapeze. enough said
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
