Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
