there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
