I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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