hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
