Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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