Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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