it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
