you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
