Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
