Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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