you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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