Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
