i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
