i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
