Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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