omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
