So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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