I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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