The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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