Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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