just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
love makes seman taste better
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
