i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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