So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
