He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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