he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
