I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
