no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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