my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
