I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
