Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
