Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
