Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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