i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
