I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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