I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
