if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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