we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
