dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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