they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
