i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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