What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
