Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
