so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
