It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
