She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Watching her eat just hurts me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
